Who's whining?

President Obama

What are they whining about?

Obama took time out of his busy terrorist slaying schedule to make a trip down to El Paso, Texas to defend the progress his administration has allegedly made regarding border control. This was his first visit to the U.S.-Mexico border as President, and Mr. Cool seemed surprisingly shook by the Republican sun that rises in the Lone Star State (Either that or the smell of low-quality cocaine being hustled across the border somehow wafted up into his familiar nostrils). In a desperate attempt to maintain composure he cracked a few jokes whining that no matter what he does, the Republicans in Texas will never be happy. After getting a few laughs he got ballsy and went for the throat:

“Maybe they’ll need a moat,” he mocked. “Maybe they’ll want alligators in the moat.”

The Commander in Chief inappropriately underestimated our capacity for self-preservation in Texas. We don’t use moats anymore. We use high-powered firearms. Dumbass. He went on to say border control has improved by leaps and bounds due to his efforts, and apparently, that isn’t entirely accurate. Rep. Michael McCaul (R-Texas) gave his rebuttal later, saying Mexican cartels have actually had success in increasing their presence during Obama’s term. Next time you roll into a red state with your witty banter and clever quips, get your facts straight. Clown.